Want to eat healthy in a restaurant? Get out!
Do you know what's good for you?
Eating healthy nowadays forces the majority of the population to first figure out what is healthy for them. Unfortunately they cant figure it out themselves anymore. You should think that after a live long experience after which food they feel good, great, bad or just shitty they should know. No - they need help to tell them how they are and what is good for them. Fair enough – here many industries step in to help!
Reading is already too much of a bother in our busy times so all our electronic devices fill this cap. TV is also a great source to find out what is healthy for you and specialized magazines analyse the often fatal consequences of even the smallest pimple in the most absurd place of your body. Good that we have all this information’s. You better eat right! But get a check up first!
Go ahead - bother us!
Before you bother a restaurant with your imaginary no diary product request think the whole process through. The waiter takes a lot of time explaining you what is possible and what not. He than takes a lot of time and heat from the Chef when he explains that in the kitchen. The Chef explains it with additional spicy words ( not for print) to his team. Of course they prepare each course for you but at the end when you order this double Banana Split they start looking for the knives.
Ask you Doctor!
Still it is safer to double check with your doctor first! He likes that you come. You pay! Of course he knows not to disappoint you and will recommend something to you. Even if you are totally healthy he wont let you leave without help. It doesn’t harm you to take this or that pill because you are anyway fit like a bull and you can take it - hopefully!
Everbody feels better!
You feel better – hopefully! He feels better – he helped you and his bank account. The Pharma industry feels better. They didn’t pay the doctors commission for nothing! They spend billions in advertising check ups that are mostly useless (and often harmful – which – again - means additional revenue). And on top of that – now you feel good – your insurance is happy too. They worried the most because you are so healthy. They financed studies to document the health risk of eggs , coffee, red meat, white meat, sugar, salt, gluten and lactose, no movement, too much movement, wrong movement and sunshine. You are trying to ignore them ? No way!
You can go now to a restaurant. You are briefed – you are ready!
The Restaurant Staff
Here you meet us! The Restaurant staff. The tables are set and the menu has been created and printed on beautiful paper. And its sounds so tempting. Lets enjoy. But – wait - we are slightly lactose intolerant and need some advise ( no problem – especially in busy restaurants the waiters have all the time in the world for you!) and - maybe -
little changes? Of course – change ! Took the Chef the whole day to get the best seasonal ingredients and combine them in a tasty dish and lot of work and preparation for you to come and change them. That’s what he was hoping for!
You have a severe seafood allergy! We will give you no seafood - promised! What ? Lobster is 50% off tonight? Okay – the lobster you take but otherwise no seafood at all! Its your responsibility if I drop dead ( honestly – we are fine with that! And the lobster too!).
No salt is the last solution! For Millions who are too healthy!
The worst for the Chef and waiters is when your doctor couldn’t come up with anything. You are fit – you are healthy! What a mess. But then – at least – you shouldn’t eat salt ! No salt at all! No problem ! Some of the dishes we cooked for 12 hrs. or more to make them smooth, tender, absorb the ingredients and be perfect for you. Now we just have to take the salt out.
Plants feel pain!
So because of all of you I have to pass by restaurant that advertise the Organic Salt free Vegan Burger! Let the Restaurant staff and Chefs explain that to you: Traditionally Burger is what we put on the menu right after we cleaned the fridge! Organic is what MacDonald’s claims to offer already to you. That’s what you ask for? Enjoy! Salt less is when you later complain to the waiter that is was somehow tasteless. And for Vegan? There is a study that claims to prove that Plants scream in pain when they get cut. How cruel are you?
But we get ready for you and learn about all kinds of allergies, intolerances and life threatening ingredients. Some Restaurants add numbers to each dish explaining the chemical components of the dangerous goods they produce. Other restaurants hang signs out that they don’t care and you should go somewhere else. ( maybe a pharmacy?).
Trust Medical Studies!
Medical studies and suggestions are the best and most reliable. They are financed by the Pharma industry! They must know! I read the study that told me that coffee was dehydrating me and causes severe damage to heart and blood vessels. I was doomed! I still am! Than came the study that Coffee protects you from many kinds of cancer. A step back from the grave.
Egg consumption? Your cholesterol will kill you was a clear message for years.. Lucky those chaps born before 1970 because Cholesterol wasn’t known to the public. Nobody warned them. They just survived or must have died happy! My friends and relatives reminded me often that my daily consumption of 2 eggs every morning will push me into the Cholesterol coffin. Than the study came out that two eggs cover your whole vitamin needs for one day and have additional health benefits. I again just made it! Lucky that I was still alive when the article was published!
So when you go to a restaurant enjoy the menu , order what you like, don’t change anything or GET OUT! We didn’t open the restaurant as a cover to slowly cook you to death but we have a growing intolerance against diet requirements of any kind.
Do you drive us nuts? No! All of us who survived so long in this business are a little nuts anyhow! You just let us know that we don't want to be like you again! Thanks!